Let Their Voices Resound

     I don't think anyone really knows how much I sing.  Sometimes while in the car I'll turn off the radio and just sing songs I know or have made up on the spot.  Anytime I'm completely alone I start singing.  I just wish that I could do it when I'm not completely alone.  I wish we had more music in our world, sung by everyone.  I wish we had more people expressing their soul through music even if everyone has told them they suck or that they just aren't up to par.  Sometimes I just want to start singing at the top of my lungs.  Not in that joking sort of way but really sing.  Like open your heart and sing, not to be heard or complimented but just to make make music.
     I think its funny how there are only two acceptable ways of singing in public.  In a completely joking manner or really singing but being really really good at it.  I'm not musically inclined but I don't suck and I wish it was socially acceptable to just sing.  Or better yet if everyone would just join in with you.  Not in some choreographed, high school musical way.  But people just opening up their soul and singing.  

    I think the one reason this would never happen the way I imagine it is because of the two acceptable ways of singing.  You need to just joke or sing so seriously and in such a self conscious manner that the music won't just flow out of you. 

     Music has this amazing power over people.  It can make you smile and jump with just a tune or cry at the right words combined with the right melody.  It evokes emotion in ways that theater and books just can't.  And, in addition, it is personal.  A songwriter and composer may intended one emotion or experience to be prevalent but each one of us will always take something different from the song.  Different memories will come to us and thus slightly varying (or maybe even completely different emotions) will stay with us.  

     I guess what I'm trying to say is I wish would could put aside societies perceptions of song and talent long enough to sing together, to expose our souls to each other for just a moment.  I wish when I started singing in public I wouldn't get weird looks, instead I would have voices slowly join in to create an impromptu choir.  And for a moment we would be a community in song. 

Why Me?

     So today I was making the two hour trek back up to Logan from Salt Lake and in my copious spare time I was contemplating my very new relationship.  I was a bit giddy at first then my giddiness turned to worry as I thought of the future (more like how little I knew about the future) and then the giddiness returned.  Finally my giddiness subsided and I became very contemplative. 
     The main thought running through my mind was "Why me?  Why did he want me?"  Really I think most of us have these thoughts from time to time.  This thought can show one of two things.  First it shows how little we think of ourselves (ie. Why would he like someone like me?  He could do so much better).  Or, second, how much we don't see (ie. Why would anyone like someone as ordinary as me?  What was special enough to keep me around?).  These two sound a lot a like, but really I think they are quite different.  One is focused on how inadequate you are, the other focuses on what you're missing when you look at yourself.  

     I feel as though I should make this distinction because I have had both these thoughts before.  The more common of the two is the first thought, but I think the second is more interesting.  I was focused more on this second frame of mind this afternoon.  Its not like I felt like I was not worth dating, I just didn't understand what would draw a person in.  Was I really special enough for someone to fall for?  And if so, what made me so special?  I just felt like I was missing something.  But this made me think "Well what makes James so special?"  And I couldn't answer...

     He just was.  For some unknown reason I didn't want to be with anyone else and whenever I see him I can't help but smile from ear to ear (don't get me wrong there is a lot to like about him, but I couldn't put my finger on that one thing that made him so special to me).  Yet again I was just missing something.  
     Its so interesting how we form these relationships.  We all try to rationalize why we like the people we like or why our friends are so special.  Yet we always fall short of explaining it right.  Its like our relationships are us being magically drawn together by some greater power.  We don't know exactly why we love the people we love or why the people we love love us.  And sometimes you just find those relationships that just feel so right that you can't help but be in them, romantic or otherwise.  
     We are all just a bunch of ordinary, but somehow special people, drawn to each other.  An invisible hand just seems to guide us to the people we mesh well with or need in our lives and we just follow it.  Pretty much I guess when i'm trying to say is that relationships are funny things...actually they are just down right strange things.   Yet we spend so much time looking for the perfect one, involved in them, fixing them, and mourning over the lost ones.  We are in essence strange creatures involved in even stranger relationships.