Why Me?

     So today I was making the two hour trek back up to Logan from Salt Lake and in my copious spare time I was contemplating my very new relationship.  I was a bit giddy at first then my giddiness turned to worry as I thought of the future (more like how little I knew about the future) and then the giddiness returned.  Finally my giddiness subsided and I became very contemplative. 
     The main thought running through my mind was "Why me?  Why did he want me?"  Really I think most of us have these thoughts from time to time.  This thought can show one of two things.  First it shows how little we think of ourselves (ie. Why would he like someone like me?  He could do so much better).  Or, second, how much we don't see (ie. Why would anyone like someone as ordinary as me?  What was special enough to keep me around?).  These two sound a lot a like, but really I think they are quite different.  One is focused on how inadequate you are, the other focuses on what you're missing when you look at yourself.  

     I feel as though I should make this distinction because I have had both these thoughts before.  The more common of the two is the first thought, but I think the second is more interesting.  I was focused more on this second frame of mind this afternoon.  Its not like I felt like I was not worth dating, I just didn't understand what would draw a person in.  Was I really special enough for someone to fall for?  And if so, what made me so special?  I just felt like I was missing something.  But this made me think "Well what makes James so special?"  And I couldn't answer...

     He just was.  For some unknown reason I didn't want to be with anyone else and whenever I see him I can't help but smile from ear to ear (don't get me wrong there is a lot to like about him, but I couldn't put my finger on that one thing that made him so special to me).  Yet again I was just missing something.  
     Its so interesting how we form these relationships.  We all try to rationalize why we like the people we like or why our friends are so special.  Yet we always fall short of explaining it right.  Its like our relationships are us being magically drawn together by some greater power.  We don't know exactly why we love the people we love or why the people we love love us.  And sometimes you just find those relationships that just feel so right that you can't help but be in them, romantic or otherwise.  
     We are all just a bunch of ordinary, but somehow special people, drawn to each other.  An invisible hand just seems to guide us to the people we mesh well with or need in our lives and we just follow it.  Pretty much I guess when i'm trying to say is that relationships are funny things...actually they are just down right strange things.   Yet we spend so much time looking for the perfect one, involved in them, fixing them, and mourning over the lost ones.  We are in essence strange creatures involved in even stranger relationships.