I think that this word is often overlooked or taken for granted in our lives today. I'll be the first to admit that I really haven't experienced that much in my life, but still it has always made me mad when individuals look at me and push me aside because of my lack of experience. They refuse to share their feelings, their struggles, they refuse to let me in because for some reason something has told us that others cannot empathize with us. But really we do it all the time...When you watch a movie and cry when the character loses their wife/husband, or blush when a character is humiliated in only a way movie characters are humiliated you are empathizing. Putting yourself in the shoes of another person even through you have never lived through those same experiences is empathy.
We do it all the time in movies but somehow we often times just miss the mark in everyday life. Now I'm not saying we don't cringe when a kid trips on the sidewalk or feel sad when a friend tells us of a recent death or breakup, but the feeling is fleeting and is limited to the time when it is most convenient for us to feel such feelings. When we are mad at someone or do not know the person the notion of empathy seems to fly right out the window. We don't want to understand we just want to feel our feelings right then and there. I think right now I am getting more at empathy in the context of being mad at someone more so than just feeling things when we want to feel them.
When someone has done something to hurt us like gossip, disregard our feelings or needs, or whatever we just want to be mad. We want to be upset and then just move on when we feel like it. But what if we took the time to understand where that person is coming from? Not pardon them for the wrongs done, but still took the time to empathize. To see what we may have done to begin the feelings of adversity or to see what in the other person's life may have distracted them from being aware of your feelings/needs. And in addition to all that understanding where in their past they learned it was acceptable to behave in such a manor.
For example this last summer I lived with a girl who made my life horrible. She never seemed to care about how her actions, behavior, and random mood swings affected me and our other roommate. Finally after she tried to take control of my personal finances and essentially shift the blame onto me I decided to move out. Needless to say I was pissed. I was angry, plain and simple, for about two months and I continued to hurt for about another three months. I could not let go what she had done to me. But you see there are a few problems with how I was thinking.
First: I was angry and I was hurt by what she had done to me. Everything came down to my feelings and what she had done to affect me. I never once thought of how I had affected her. What I had said to make her react in such a way. Ultimately she overstepped and she hurt me, but I also had my part in everything. Second: I was focusing on the surface level problems. She tried to control my life and she had very little understanding of her affect on others. Neither of these things were new problems in her life. She had always put her feelings before others and she had always been a bit controlling (it just took me moving in with her to realize how much). This posed a whole new question: "Where had these originally problems come from?"
Most of it ended up being her personal issues. I still had some stuff to own up to, but really I couldn't take all the blame. But in most of it being her issues I had to empathize with her to really understand my role in the situation, the power I held, and what I could do to fix it and move on. Because I finally took the time (it only took me five months of emotional turmoil to realize this) to see things from her perspective I have begun to move on and let go of my rage. Let it be noted though that I have not taken full responsibility for what happened nor have I excused all her faults. I simply took the time to understand so I knew where she was coming from and why she acted the way she did.
One last thing on the subject of empathy. I think that often times we want to be alone or special in our misery, consciously or subconsciously, so we refuse to let others empathize. Remember when you were in Middle School and when your mom/dad tried to comfort you, you screamed "You just don't understand!" Your parent was attempting to empathize with you in that moment but you refused to let them. I may not be quite as vocal or angry in my words but I find myself saying similar things today.
I know I've been told countless times that there is no way I could even being to understand or empathize with another's experiences and feelings. It always makes me angry. I try hard to reach out and understand by all my caring gets shot down because "I don't understand." Not to say I always approach such delicate situations with grace, but I don't always screw up either. Still it would be nice for some of those individuals to let me in and ultimately let me care for the.
Ultimately, in the same way that the world may be a little less bitter and filled with a little less anger if we tired to empathize more, we might be filled with a little less anger if we let people empathize with us more; if we let people relate and console us on our level. We may just find more people willing to understand if we let down our walls...if we let people empathize.
So all in all this very confusing and only half way complete thought is trying to ask the question: "What would our world look like if we filled it with a bit more empathy/"
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