I don't think I ever want kids. Its not that I don't like kids or that I'm not willing to make the sacrifice, I like kids and I think the sacrifices are worth making...but there are so many ways to screw up. The potential tragedies involved in pregnancy and child rearing are so great. As youth we are so caught up in our superhuman, untouchable mindset that we forget how fragile life is...especially a child's life.
Just recently I met a pregnant girl who has inside her a child with a collapsed lung. She is in her fourth month and realistically her baby probably won't make it to the third trimester. Recently all I can think of is this drowning baby. Inside a woman is a dying child and she can't do anything about it. The only form of comfort she can provide is a stroke to her stomach, a sad thought, or a slight tear. But the child will never feel the warm touch of its mother and hear the soft sobs on its behalf. In her situation what can you do?
I had a friend say that this is the point where an abortion would be acceptable...but I question that solution. In order to save my child I should just put it out of its misery...I should kill my child...That doesn't sound like much of a solution. I think some people won't accept this as a viable answer to my friend either because they see it as a mercy killing or because of the differences in opinion as to when a life begins. But for me the death of a child by natural causes, no matter how miserable it is for me, is better than killing the child myself.
It puts a woman in a horrible position to suggest such a thing. You should kill this child living inside you in order to save it ample amounts of suffering and later you must face the guilt of killing your child. Or you should let your child suffer naturally, offering whatever comfort you can, and then face the guilt of letting your child suffer, knowing you could have saved it some suffering. On top of all of this the idea that your child will die is not a 100% certainty...it could still live and be born...
But really situations like this are not rare. Miscarriages, birth defects, complications in pregnancy...things like these happen all the time. To carry a child for days, weeks, months and then to lose that life...I don't think I could do that. Currently I know four pregnant woman and talking to them about their child has shown how much of a bond they feel with their baby.
When a woman is pregnant those around her can feel a kick on the surface of the stomach, but a mother feels the child all the time. She feels every kick, 360 degrees. She can feel the child interacting with every part of her body, she can feel it growing every day. Really the pregnancy is an amazing part of being a mother...the connection you make with the child who comes to life and grows inside of you is insane. If life starts at conception, your child experiences the first nine months of its life inside the woman. Then to lose that...to have that life end inside you...I don't think I could handle it...
But lets say you make it through the pregnancy without any complications and you see a life begin. You take the child home and begin its life outside of your belly just fine...now you have the job of raising a productive member of society who reaches the hight of their potential. This job seems even harder than a pregnancy would ever be.
I'm an intellectual who values the lessons and disciplines a sport gives you...what if my daughter is the stereotypical cheerleader? Or my son is the kid from high school that loves everything Japan and refuses to meld into the US society? And really I can deal with all of that...but its still a worry...how do I put aside everything that I was to full heartedly accept who my child is? Like I said, though, its not that bad...it gets worse...
What if my child decides to have sex, drink, and do drugs? What parenting tactics do I use to help my child choose a lifestyle void of these things? And where does my role as a parent end and my child's freewill kick in? When is it time to let go and how much of my child is my responsibility? These questions really have no answer and there is no form of right parenting. Each parent is an individual and each child is an individual...that part scares me. No right answer and no easy equation...
If I have a child I know that that little baby will become my life the day I find out I'm pregnant...and I don't think I have the strength to deal with any complications before or after birth. How do you survive after you see something go wrong with a this little person...this little person you love so much and have so much emotion invested in?
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